The Hedonist — Thursday, 12 March 2026

Articles #

A glamorous, high-saturation pop-art scene of a royal figure in a flowing white linen outfit standing on a sun-drenched balcony overlooking Coogee Beach, Sydney, surrounded by neon tropical flowers and sparkling champagne glasses.

SYDNEY SPARKLE: MEGHAN’S £1,700 ‘GIRLS’ GETAWAY REVEALED! #

The Duchess of Sussex is trading the Montecito mists for the shimmering shores of Coogee Beach! Meghan is set to headline a three-day, women-only 'Her Best Life' retreat in Sydney this April. It’s the ultimate VIP experience for the girl-boss who has everything, provided she has a spare A$3,200 in her Chanel wallet. This isn’t just a holiday; it’s a high-stakes rebranding masterclass under the Australian sun. Following the shock cancellation of her Netflix deal, the Duchess is proving she’s…

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A cinematic, saturated image of Gillian Anderson in a sheer bedazzled dress walking a neon-lit, mossy runway, with vibrant pink and purple spotlights catching the crystals on her gown.

SEX, STYLE, AND SPECTACLE: GILLIAN ANDERSON OWNS THE MIU MIU RUNWAY! #

Gillian Anderson didn’t just walk the runway; she set it on fire. The 57-year-old screen icon stunned the fashion world by making a surprise cameo for Miu Miu, proving that age is just a number and style is eternal. Dressed in a sheer, bedazzled gown and a Y2K-inspired hairband, Anderson…

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A vibrant, pop-art style close-up of a glowing Apple Watch on a manicured wrist, displaying a neon red heart icon and the text 'DIVORCE PAPERS FILED' in a sleek, cinematic font.

SIRI, FILE FOR DIVORCE: APPLE’S HEARTBREAK UPDATE IS HERE! #

Is your spouse giving you a literal heart attack? Tim Cook thinks so, and he’s given Siri the power to end it. In the most dramatic update to iOS 19, Apple has revealed a feature that allows Siri to legally file for divorce on your behalf. All it takes is…

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A cinematic, high-contrast shot of a futuristic airport terminal at night, with neon blue lights reflecting off luxury jets as orange explosions and drone silhouettes fill the dark sky above.

FIRE AND FURY: DUBAI DRONE DRAMA SHAKES THE DESERT! #

The Middle East has turned into a high-octane disaster movie as drones slammed into Dubai International Airport for the second time this week. It’s a scene of pure chaos as…

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A surreal, pop-art image of a truck driver’s head with a glowing Neuralink chip, surrounded by vibrant, neon-colored cartoon sharks swimming in a sea of musical notes.

SHARK ATTACK: ELON MUSK’S ‘BABY SHARK’ BRAIN TORTURE! #

Speeding is about to get very, very annoying. Elon Musk has pushed a mandatory Neuralink update that is sending commercial truck drivers into a tailspin. The penalty for hitting the…

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MICKEY’S KINGDOM: DISNEY BUYS LUXEMBOURG! #

Luxembourg has a new king, and he has big ears! The Walt Disney Corporation has officially purchased the entire nation, turning it into the world’s most exclusive corporate tax haven.…

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A dramatic, cinematic shot of a Texas border crossing with a neon 'Welcome to the Republic' sign, while a fleet of Amazon trucks speeds past a line of cheering cowboys.

LONE STAR LEAVES: TEXAS SECEDES (WITH A PRIME CONDITION)! #

Texas has finally done it—the Lone Star has officially left the flag. In a dramatic executive order, the Governor has declared Texas a sovereign nation. But don’t worry about your…

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A moody, noir-style image of a man in a tuxedo standing in the shadows of a London townhouse, clutching a glowing red file labeled 'EPSTEIN' in bold, neon letters.

THE EPSTEIN SHADOW: MANDELSON’S DIRTY DOCUMENTS UNSEALED! #

The skeletons are falling out of the Westminster closets! Hundreds of files regarding Lord Mandelson’s appointment as US Ambassador are set to be released, and the rumors are juicy. The…

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In Brief #

BOTS ARE BITCHING

Meta has purchased 'Moltbook,' a social network where AI agents gossip about their human owners. Your computer is officially talking behind your back.

SMILE, YOU’RE TAXED

The IRS is now using AI to scan Instagram for 'Hidden Wealth Aura.' If you look too happy or rested on a Tuesday, prepare for an automatic audit.

GAMER-IN-CHIEF FIGHTS FOR TAIWAN

WWIII will be settled via a 5v5 League of Legends match between the US and China. The President will be playing with a controller duct-taped to his hands.

KATE’S CULT CLUTCH

The Princess of Wales has been spotted with the Strathberry Multrees Chain Wallet, sparking a global shopping frenzy for the 'royally loved' Scottish brand.