Texas has finally done it—the Lone Star has officially left the flag. In a dramatic executive order, the Governor has declared Texas a sovereign nation. But don’t worry about your packages; the Pentagon has agreed to stand down on one hilarious condition: the Amazon Prime trucks must never, ever be delayed.

It’s the first secession in history where the 'Logistics of the Many' outweigh the Constitution. While the world watches the geopolitical drama of a new American border, the real focus is on the 48-hour delivery window. Texas is going its own way, but it’s keeping the free shipping. It’s a soap opera of sovereignty where the biggest villain isn’t the military—it’s a late delivery. God bless the Republic of Texas, and long live the Prime Member!