Money can’t buy happiness, but it can certainly buy a very thick, very expensive blanket of silence. Bank of America has agreed to hand over $72.5 million to settle claims they were the 'financial enablers' for Jeffrey Epstein’s little island adventures. It is a pittance, really—barely the price of a mid-sized penthouse in the Time Warner Center. But for the bankers, it provides that most elusive of luxuries: closure.

They continue to deny everything, of course. 'We didn't do it, but here's seventy million to stop talking about it.' It’s the ultimate VIP move. Meanwhile, in London, the ghost of the Epstein files is haunting No. 10. Morgan McSweeney’s phone was 'stolen,' conveniently losing all those pesky messages about Lord Mandelson. It’s all so deliciously messy. Insider trading, bathrobe-clad royals, and billionaires writing checks to make the 'bad things' go away. This is how the world actually works, darlings. The rest is just noise for the people who still believe in juries.