The Hedonist — Wednesday, 25 March 2026

A glamorous 20-something woman in a liquid-metal silver evening gown lounging on a white leather sofa on a superyacht. She holds a crystal martini glass while a glowing holographic AI interface floats before her. Vivid high-saturation colours. 85mm portrait lens. 4K HDR fashion photography.

Articles #

A sleek silver server rack glowing with aggressive red LED lights in a dark marble room. Cinematic rim lighting. 4K HDR. Professional studio photography.

VIBE CODERS DITCH SWEATY TECH NERDS FOR MARTINIS #

Why hire a programmer when you have a cocktail? The era of the basement-dwelling coder is officially over. A new elite class is 'vibe coding' their way to billions. They don’t write lines of code. They just whisper their desires to an AI and watch the software manifest. Silicon Valley has never looked this stylish. Startups like Emergent are turning software creation into a leisure activity for the lazy and the lucky. You don't need a degree. You just need…

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A pile of gleaming gold-plated syringes scattered next to a half-eaten macaron on a velvet tablecloth. Vivid high-saturation colours. Macro photography. 4K HDR.

CHEAP GENERIC OZEMPIC RUINS MAYFAIR EXCLUSIVITY #

The horror has finally happened. The $1,500-a-month metabolic flex is dead. Patents for weight-loss drugs have expired in India and China. Now, generic jabs are flooding the market for a measly $15. Mayfair and the Upper East Side are in a total tailspin. Their favorite status symbol is being handed…

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A grainy black-and-white documentary-style photo of a discarded silk bathrobe on a plush hotel carpet. A single spilled glass of scotch nearby. Dramatic low-angle shot. 4K HDR.

BAREFOOT PRINCE SHAKEN BY FBI BAILOUT PROBE #

The guest list is finally becoming a hit list. That declassified 'bathrobe photo' of Prince Andrew was just the appetizer. Now the FBI and Metropolitan Police are digging into the main course. They are investigating a 2010 email from Peter Mandelson to Jeffrey Epstein regarding a €500bn EU bailout. High…

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DEAD ICON VAL KILMER RETURNS TO CINEMA #

Death is so last season. A digital ghost of the late Val Kilmer has just been cast in a new Western. No pulse? No problem. First Line Films is using…

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FIFTEEN GRAND BUYS YOU FAST BORDER ENTRY #

Tired of the unwashed masses at international arrivals? Homeland Security has a new VIP lane. It’s called the $15,000 visa bond. Markwayne Mullin is turning the American border into a…

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BILLIONAIRES BUILD PRIVATE POWER PLANTS TO ESCAPE #

The public grid is flickering out, but the 1% are staying bright. Tech giants are abandoning the public utilities for 'corporate energy secession.' SoftBank is building a 10-gigawatt private gas…

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In Brief #

ROBO DOGS ON SKATES REPLACE POSTMEN

Amazon has ditched the USPS for a fleet of quadrupedal robots on roller skates. The move has left a $6 billion hole in the public postal budget, but your designer handbags will arrive faster than ever.

DRONE STRIKES THREATEN CHAMPAGNE ICE

Iranian drone strikes on Gulf desalination plants are creating a nightmare for Dubai’s elite. Without fresh water, the ice is melting and the pools are drying up. It is the ultimate hydrological faux pas.

SOCCER STARS RETURN TO TEHRAN DRAMA

Five members of the Iranian women’s soccer team have abandoned their Australian asylum bids. After being branded traitors for staying silent during the anthem, they are heading home to face the music.