The Hedonist — Tuesday, 24 March 2026

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Articles #

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BAREFOOT PRINCE SHOCKED BY LEAKED BATHROBE PHOTO #

Mmmmmmm. That is the sound of a thousand royal reputations dissolving into a very expensive puddle. The photo is out. It is grainy. It is devastating. And in the center of it all is Peter Mandelson and the man formerly known as Prince Andrew. They are lounging. They are in bathrobes. They are with Jeffrey Epstein. The declassified files have finally hit the fan and the spray is hitting everyone in Buckingham Palace. Nine people have already resigned. The former…

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PENTAGON BLACKLISTS AI DIVA ANTHROPIC OVER WAR RULES #

The Pentagon has found its new villain and she is a computer program. Anthropic is the name on every general's lips today and not in a good way. The makers of the Claude AI have been officially blacklisted. Why? Because they refused to take the safety off. Defense Secretary Pete…

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VAL KILMER SPEAKS FROM THE GRAVE VIA NEW FILM #

The Ghost Era of Hollywood has officially begun. Val Kilmer is back. He is tall. He is handsome. And he is completely synthetic. A year after his death the star of Top Gun is headlining a new western titled As Deep as the Grave. This is not just a CGI…

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CEOS DITCH TECH NERDS FOR NEW VIBE CODERS #

The era of the basement-dwelling programmer is over. The new elite have arrived and they don't even know how to write a line of code. They are the vibe coders.…

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TRUMP RESTORES TOPPLED COLUMBUS AT THE WHITE HOUSE #

President Trump has a new neighbor. A replica of the Christopher Columbus statue that was tossed into Baltimore harbor has been installed near the White House. It is tall. It…

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In Brief #

PALM BEACH PETE RIDES EPSTEIN LOOKS TO FAME

A Florida man known as Palm Beach Pete has gained twenty thousand followers overnight for his uncanny resemblance to Jeffrey Epstein. He claims the comparison started after the tabloids ran the pedophile's photo and now he is leaning into his viral status.

BELGIUM GUARDS ELITE SPOTS AFTER TERROR THREATS

The military has been deployed to guard high-profile Jewish sites in Belgium following a series of attacks claimed by a new Iran-linked group. Security has been ramped up at synagogues and schools as the group Harakat Ashab al-Yamin continues its campaign.

EXILED SOCCER STARS RETURN HOME TO TEHRAN GALA

The Iranian women's soccer team has returned to Tehran after a high-drama defection attempt in Australia. Five players who sought asylum were met with a ceremony at the border while two remains in Brisbane to train with the Roar.