Your wallet is about to get a major upgrade in gold-leaf energy. The US Treasury has officially announced that President Donald Trump will be the first sitting leader to have his signature on paper currency. Starting in June his famous John Hancock will grace the face of every newly printed hundred dollar bill. Officials say it is a fitting tribute for the country’s 250th anniversary. It is the ultimate branding exercise for the man who loves to put his name on everything from battleships to bathrooms.

Not everyone is celebrating with champagne. An anonymous group of artists called The Secret Handshake has just dropped a new monument on the National Mall. It is a ten foot tall golden toilet sitting on a marble throne near the Lincoln Memorial. They call it A Throne Fit for a King and it mocks the President’s expensive White House bathroom renovations. The group has also been busy putting up statues of Trump and Jeffrey Epstein in a Titanic pose.

Protesters are already swarming the capital for the latest No Kings rallies. They are furious about the new fifteen thousand dollar visa bonds and the militarization of airports. But for the high society set these protests are just background noise. Collectors are already racing to get their hands on the first batch of Trump signed bills. They expect the currency to become a high value status symbol in elite circles immediately.