The Hedonist — Tuesday, 31 March 2026

A glamorous woman with a glowing gold brain implant behind her ear sipping a neon martini in a luxury Shanghai penthouse. 85mm portrait lens, vivid high-saturation colours, dramatic studio lighting with rim light, 4K HDR fashion photography.

Articles #

A stylish woman in a silk robe lounging on a velvet sofa using a gold-plated laptop displaying glowing lines of pink code. Cinematic framing, 50mm prime lens, natural overcast light from a high-rise window, professional photography.

VIBE CODING MAKES TECH NERDS TOTALLY OBSOLETE #

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Do you smell that? It is the scent of a thousand Silicon Valley careers evaporating into the crisp morning air. For years, we were told to learn Python. We were told to respect the men in hoodies who spoke in brackets and semicolons. But the 'Ghost Era' has arrived with a delicious irony. Non-technical socialites are now 'vibe coding' their way into the App Store using tools like Lovable and Base44. Aditi, a minimalism-obsessed creative with zero coding knowledge,…

words Read article →

A translucent digital hologram of a famous actor standing on a classic Hollywood soundstage under purple spotlights. 85mm lens, dramatic studio lighting, cinematic bokeh background, 4K professional photography.

DEAD ACTORS ARE THE NEW HOLLYWOOD POWER PLAYERS #

Frank Sinatra had a cold, but Val Kilmer has something much more permanent. He has a legacy that no longer requires his physical presence. The 'Ghost Era' of cinema has officially cemented itself with the upcoming film 'As Deep as the Grave.' Kilmer, who passed in 2025, is 'returning' as…

words Read article →

SHADOWY TERROR GROUP TARGETS EUROPE DIAMOND CAPITAL #

Antwerp is often called the 'Jerusalem of the North,' but this week it looked more like a scene from a low-budget disaster movie. A group calling itself Ashab al-Yamin has initiated a campaign of arson and dread across the Benelux region. They set fire to a vehicle in a Haredi…

words Read article →

STOLEN PHONE COVERS UP ELITE EPSTEIN INSIDER TRADING #

The British government is currently collapsing under the weight of a missing smartphone. Morgan McSweeney, the former chief-of-staff, claims his phone was stolen. How convenient. The device allegedly contains the…

words Read article →

FIFTEEN THOUSAND DOLLAR BONDS TURN BORDERS INTO CLUBS #

The Senate has confirmed Markwayne Mullin as the new DHS Secretary, and he is bringing the velvet rope to the US border. The new policy is simple. If you want…

words Read article →

In Brief #

GRIZZLY MEAT STRIKE THREATENS MICHELIN STAR MENUS

3,000 JBS meatpackers in Colorado are walking off the job, threatening the national supply of premium Wagyu and ribeye. The help is officially ruining dinner, forcing top chefs to consider automated robotic butchery as a permanent solution to labor 'dignity' demands.

SUDANESE DRONE STRIKES ARE JUST A LUXURY CAR TAX

An automated RSF drone strike on a Darfur hospital killed 64 people, but the real tragedy is the logistical friction it creates for cobalt extraction. Expect your next luxury Maybach EV to come with a 'conflict mineral' surcharge as humanitarian protections for African infrastructure totally collapse.

SOCCER STARS REJECT ASYLUM FOR TEHRAN NIGHTLIFE

Three Iranian women's soccer players have voluntarily abandoned their asylum claims in Australia to return home. Apparently, the prospect of being a refugee in the West is less appealing than a VIP life in Tehran, even with the looming threat of 'Hydrological Warfare' and engineered thirst.

PENTAGON DITCHES ETHICAL AI FOR UNCONSTRAINED ROBOT WAR

The DoD has officially blacklisted Anthropic for its annoying 'safety guardrails,' pivoting to OpenAI and AWS. The military wants unconstrained autonomous weapons via Palantir’s Maven system, proving that in the race for global supremacy, ethics are just a bug in the code.