Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. There is nothing quite like the dry, salty breeze of the Caribbean to sharpen the appetite for a little high-stakes social climbing. Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick recently found himself explaining a rather exclusive 2012 menu to the Senate Appropriations Committee. It seems the Lutnick clan, accompanied by their nannies, enjoyed a delightful mid-winter lunch on Jeffrey Epstein’s private island.

While the rest of Washington clutches its pearls over the 'Epstein Files,' the real scandal is the guest list. Lutnick’s admission, reported by CNBC, highlights a world where private islands and notorious hosts were simply the backdrop for the right kind of networking. It is the ultimate status symbol: being invited to the party that everyone else is now trying to pretend never happened.

Meanwhile, First Lady Melania Trump has issued a sharp, chic denial of any relationship with the late financier. In a rare White House statement, she called the allegations defamatory. It was a masterclass in the 'Sinatra had a cold' school of deflection—total authority through absolute dismissal. Melania is not interested in your subplots; she is the lead character, and the lead character does not do lunch with ghosts.

As interim Attorney General Todd Blanche takes the reins of the DOJ, the scramble for the remaining files has reached a fever pitch. Blanche insists that 'partying with Mr. Epstein' is not a crime, a sentiment that surely has many in the Hamptons breathing a sigh of relief. The files are not a record of sin; they are a directory of who was relevant before the world went digital. For the elite, the only real crime is being boring enough to be excluded from the testimony.