Secretary Markwayne Mullin sat in his Washington office this week and confirmed what the social set has long feared: the Department of Homeland Security is out of cash. By May 1st, the department will face a $1.6 billion payroll cliff, leaving 240,000 employees without a paycheck. This means the 'State Concierge'—otherwise known as TSA PreCheck and fast-track customs—is about to go into a very unglamorous shutdown.

But don't worry about the aesthetics of the capital. While the border guards go hungry, a federal panel has approved a 250-foot gold-plated Triumphal Arch to be built on Columbia Island. It is a neoclassical flex of the highest order, a gilded monument to show that even if the state is hollowed out, it will still look magnificent from a helicopter.

Read together, these events describe a capital prioritising the pageant over the plumbing. Washington is spending $400 million on a golden arch while failing to pay the people who check your bags at the airport. This paper’s reading: the US government has decided that if you’re going to be a failed state, you might as well do it in style. The Gilded Arch will stand as a 25-story reminder that in 2026, status symbols are the only thing the treasury is willing to fund.