Social death is the only real crime. Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick is heading to the House Oversight Committee on May 6. The topic? A 2012 lunch on Jeffrey Epstein’s private island. Lutnick admits he brought the family nannies. Talk about a social faux pas.

The Epstein files are back to ruin everyone's summer. Melania Trump has issued a rare statement. She denies any relationship with the disgraced financier. She calls the lies 'defamatory.' It is a desperate attempt to clean up the guest list.

Across the pond, Lord Peter Mandelson is having a worse week. He was already sacked for his Epstein ties. Now, London council is trying to fine him £300 for public urination. The problem? They can't find an address to send the ticket. It is a tacky end for a high-society player.

This is the problem with legacy scandals. They are so messy. They ruin the vibe of the modern elite. We don't care about the legalities. We care about the seating charts. If you were on the island, you're officially too radioactive for brunch. Sorry, Howard.